Toilet Learning

Where to Start

How to transition a child to using the toilet becomes a big focus during the toddler years. In toddler parentinh groups the question often comes up, “how do we start?”. Only toilet learning doesn’t start during the toddler years. Our influence on their understanding and attitudes to toileting starts much earlier than when they start to use a toilet themsleves. From birth we are teaching babies about elimantion every time we interact with them on the matter, at every nappy change, every time we need to go to the toilet, every mess, every time they approach the toilet, every toileting experience. Our interractions can leave them with feelings of curiosity and normalcy or anxiety and shame. Knowing our influence, we can start early, thinking about the positive attitude towards toileting we want to cultivate, and take steps to do so.

We can practice accepting bodily functions. Poo and wee are part of a parents life. The way we react to poo and wee in front of our babies and toddlers can have an impact on how they view their bodily functions. For some adults they find poo and/or wee so triggering that they react with strong disgust. Many parents react to the need to change a nappy with annoyance. Our reaction can influence a little person to feel anxious or ashamed of their own bodily functions. And neither anxiety nor shame are helpful for the child in accepting their bodily functions and, in time, calmly taking charge of them. Consciously making dealing with nappies and toiletting positive can greatly improve the experience for both the parent and child. We can smile, play, and deal with mess calmly, choosing to enjoy the time of caring for our child, rather than trying to rush through it.

We can accept free elimination. If your baby pees/poops on the change table, throwing a wet wipe over them or the dirty nappy back on to catch it reinforces the idea that all elimination must occur in a nappy. Babies often go at that time because there is an instinct to eliminate freely. If you sense it coming you can hold them over a potty/toilet/receptacle/nappy instead (check out the EC hold), or hold the cloth/nappy to catch it away from their body so they still get to go without fabric directly against their skin. If it is a patten for your baby, you can even make a potty oppurtunity a part of your nappy change routine.

Modelling is one of the most influential tools a parent has. Toileting is generally a private affair. But it does make it hard for little people to copy if we hide toileting behaviour from them. You can talk about feeling your body tell you need to go and heading to the toilet. Unlike nappy changes, toileting is usually responding to bodily cues rather than timing.

Having little person sized toileting tools available allows them to participate whenever it is that they get curious. I prefer a potty as it allows toddlers to sit in a squat with feet touching the ground which better positions their bowel than when they are sitting on a toilet seat reducer. Also worth considering, being up high on the toilet may be a little anxiety provoking for some little people. On the other hand, some toddlers will want to be using the same toilet as they have seen other family members use, so you might choose a toilet seat reducer (perhaps invest in a high step stool, often found in the kitchen section, for their feet to rest on).

Children learn a lot through play. Children may want to play toileting. They may want to sit on the potty/toilet when they aren’t likely to eliminate. They may even want to keep their nappy on as they test this out. We can choose not to teach them that the potty/toilet is so gross that they must never touch it. Instead, show them how to use it appropriately. Take them to wash hands afterwards, making it a calm and positive experience, playful and enjoyable.

Many toddlers will ask not to wear a nappy at some stage. We can show trust and honour their curiosity by honouring their request. We know that it may lead to messes. And we can be okay with that, choosing to calmly clean up, inviting the little one ton participate should.they wnat to help clean up.

Reacting to messes with disappointment or frustration can be really offputting for the little person. Messes are a part of getting to know your cues, getting to know how long you can hold, getting to know how to get yourself to the toilet in time. Being disappointed or frustrated with a mess leads the child toward being anxious about the learning process. Remaining calm and supportive as they figure it out helps them to learn more effectively. If you are triggered by the mess, take a step back, work out how to minimise mess, collaborate with your child on mutually acceptable solutions, and work on your triggers.

Babies, toddlers and children are capable. They are natural learners and are picking up on everything that happens around them. They notice out attitudes when we are dealing with messes and nappy changes. They respond if we ban them from approaching toilets. They learn if we put the nappy back of everytime they start to eliminate. We can remain aware of our influence and act accordingly to help them learn toileting. There is no need to wait, the influence you have is happening now.

Related Reading

Elimination Communication by Elizabeth Tankard

3 Reasons Kids Don’t Need Toilet Training (Amd What to Do Instead) by Janet Lansbury

Toilet Training in One Simple Step by Robin Einzig – Visable Child